The ironical magazine

I consider Eight thirty on a Sunday morning to be the best and preferred time to donate my hair to the hair dresser's dustbin. I have no clue why but that is when i generally visit a saloon. It had been very long since i had had a haircut for i wanted to grow my hair long. After much cerebration as to retain it or not( read "Since long hair sucked on me" ), i decided to cut it shorter and portray the nalla payyan look i had adorned all these years. So i went to the saloon and found four people waiting before me. You never have the feeling of going to a saloon if you don't find a queue there. The mathematical concept of queueing theory gained recognition because of saloons only, for it follows the mathematical model perfectly. You can never find a saloon when you are the first person to shave it off. This is precisely why saloon's garner a lot of newspapers and magazines so that people don't feel bored waiting on chairs. So i found a comfortable seat and starting searching the pile of papers and magazines and finally settled down with a Tamil magazine that had a very attractive cover design. It had a peculiar pattern that had six moon-shaped tusks arranged radially, all pointing towards a map of India which was delineated at the center. The Indian map had a lot of interesting pictures, and the whole pattern was sailing on a boat whose mast portrayed the word Vetri (Victory). I'm quite sure everyone will be tempted to open it and read it. So with all the eagerness i opened the magazine. The front page had a message from the editor. Just like anyone else, I flipped to the next page ( Messages from Editors are the most ignored pages in a magazine. May be we should ask them to save some printer ink ).
The next page had a story written by some incognito writer. The article had a diagram on top. The diagram had a man and a woman sitting on chairs. The men was decently dressed. The women seemed to wear some dress which her parents bought her when she was ten. ( or may be twelve.. cant really say ) In sum, her dress was revealing! OK... Just a picture, I thought. So i started reading further. The article was about some water problem in some remote location in Tamil Nadu. I kept reading it hoping to find some connection between the article and the picture. ( OK.. Let your brain not reminisce about Dasavatharam now, just like how everybody struggled to find some relation between the first 20 minutes of the movie and the rest of it ). The article went long. As far as my brain could venture, i couldn't find a relation between a women with low-cut blouse and paucity of water. If anyone who gets to read this post has the analytical brain to reason out such a relation, please enlighten me by leaving a comment. Good Start ain't it?!
Totally pissed off with the very first article i started flipping pages. Every page had some picture or the other which had women in revealing clothes ( read "visible curves and cleavages" ). I have no idea when they are planning to stop this. ( Yes, i'm a very nalla payyan and No, i'm not interested in your response to this if you already know me ). Fine chuck the diagrams. I opened the middle page. It had a huge picture of Shriya, the female who acted with Rajni in Shivaji. Oh no!! I'm not describing her raiment this time, I'm bored of it and you can guess it! The sides had thumbnails of all the heros in Tamil Cinema. So this page had tidbits about cinema. The first piece of news read
"Thee Peyar nadigaikkum number peyar nadigaikum ulla modhal erikkonde pogiradhu. ippozhudhu adhu ucha kathathirku pogi vittadhu endrum sollalaam. Number Peyar Nadigaikku adhuthu adhuthu irandu padangal vandha vegathileye thiraiyai vittu veli eriyadhu. Adhanal number nadigai romba upset. idharkaaga, hyderabadil irukkum thee nadigai thanadhu thirai nambargalai kupittu oru migaperiya party koduthu irukkiyar. idhu therindha number nadigai innum upset." (If anyone wants a translation please leave a comment).
The next piece of news read
"Rajni, Kamalukku piragu ulagengum adhiga pugazh petra padam kanthasamy than. Idhanaal shriya saran migavum urchagam therivithu irukkirar. Inimel ella herokallum ennudan nadikka thudippargal endru avar kuri irukkirar." ( Translation rules apply ) --- Even though the article din't have anything important, one thing had to be appreciated. The news and the pictures on the page had some relation.. YAAY!
Perversion reached its limits on one of the pages. It had women posing topless. ( No, I'm not a pervert and Yes, the pictures were censored i.e. the vulnerable spots were blackened out with rectangles ). The picture had a long article which i planned to avoid reading and proceeded. As usual every page had some sort of vulgarity. Finally i reached the last page of the magazine. But that is not the end of the Story. The last cover page had actor Srikanth posing with Navya Nair for their latest flick. The news is that some movie of their's ( that will release and be out of theatres within a week ) had its name changed. Phew..Alright thats the end of it, i thought.
I flipped through the back cover page and flipped it to see the cover design again. The magazine's title read Kudumba Malar ( Family Magazine ). ENNA KODUMA SARAVANAN IDHU!